Interview With A Robert Pattinson Stalker

Where are you from?
I live in Georgia and go to UGA.

So what do you like about Robert Pattinson—is it mostly a looks thing?
Well he’s really hot, but he’s more mysterious, and you never know what he’s thinking.

Did you find out he was going to be shooting in New York before or after you got here?
Like a month before I came. I didn’t come to New York because of him, but I probably would have.

Do you ever think you see him on the street?
I think every person on the street is him. Everyone that has a hat or sunglasses, Î stare them down as they walk by.

How many times a day do you Google him?
About five times a day. Today it was five. The first thing I do on the computer is read about him, find out where he’s hanging out. I know every bar he’s been to since he’s been here.

Can you name some?
He was at Black & White the first day he came, and Rose Bar, and then Bowery Hotel.

Do you have your go-to Robert Pattinson sites?
I follow Robert Pattinson news on Twitter. There’s like a million websites devoted to him, so usually I’ll just put in his name and the date, and then that way I’ll get the most updated stories.

Have you ever been obsessed with any other celebrities?
No, I’m not a big celeb person. I saw Shia Labeouf the other week, and I was like, meh.

Is your obsession a result of his role in Twilight?
No, I liked him before. He was in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and he’s an amazing singer. He has two songs on the Twilight soundtrack, and three others I’ve been able to find.

Is he dating anyone?
I don’t know, because we haven’t had any Kristen Stewart sightings, and there’s rumors of that.

Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?
There’s difficulties there.

Do you think him and Kristen Stewart have hooked up?
He’s hooked up with all the other cast mates, so why not?

And what do you think about that?
I don’t want to talk about it.

How many times have you seen Twilight?
[laughs] I don’t want to tell you that.

Please?
Well, the night after I saw it, I bought a bootleg copy, and it was like the shittiest copy, and I’d watch it all the time, and then I downloaded a good copy, and then I bought the special edition the day it came out. I’ve probably seen it 200 times. I can say every single line in the movie. It’s really sad.

How many times have you watched the New Moon trailer?
Enough.

Did you like it?
I don’t know, I fucking hate Kristen Stewart. It has nothing to do with him, because I’ve seen him in other movies. I think she’s the worst actress ever. She’s the same character in every single movie. She’s like a female Michael Cera.

Do you cringe when you watch him kiss her?
No, just because I know she has a boyfriend.

How many times have you read Twilight?
I read all four books in two days, but this was before he was even cast. And then I found out he was going to be in them. But the first movie kind of blew. He saved it, I think.

If he’s on the cover of a tabloid, will you buy it?
Yes, I own every single one that has him on the cover.

Do you have his posters on your wall?
No, I wanted to buy them, but my roommates had a little intervention with me and said I was getting too crazy.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to find out his whereabouts?
I found a picture of him arriving at his hotel the day he got to New York, and there’s writing on a window behind him which I zoomed in on. But it’s cut off by a pole, so I just started typing what it said on Google, trying different things, and this event came up. I looked up its location, and then found the nearest trendy hotel, and it was the Bowery.

Have you ever seen him in real life?
I want to so bad!

What’s the closest you’ve come to actually stalking him?
I was sitting in the lobby of the Bowery Hotel last night waiting for him. We were there from two in the morning until we got kicked out.

So when you’re there, are you constantly looking at the door?
Yeah. I was drunk when I got there. It was a drunk idea to go stalk.

Are you going to try and find him while he’s shooting this summer?
I have someone on the inside who works for a production company. We’re going to try to break her to find out where they’re shooting.

What’s the goal in all of this?
To find him and ravage him.

So there’s a sexual aspect to all of this?
Are you kidding me? I would do him in a second!